Twinkle, Twinkle little star, how I wondered what you were. Tiny fingers, tiny toes; only the lord knew they wouldn’t grow.
I was counting the days until I could hold you in my arms. I was bragging about you to everyone I saw. You were beautiful, you were young; you were fragile, you were growing. You were an answer to many prayers and so deeply wanted.
The countless scoops of ice cream, smiles and giggles, the snuggles, selfies, sporting events and movies; these were just a few of the moments I was so excited to share. Slowly, yet rapidly transforming you into my newest little Matt Kemp and Dodgers fan, I was ready to smother you with all of my love.
Being an auntie is one of life’s greatest blessings. Your brothers and sisters make up my entire heart and I was so excited to add your piece to that puzzle. I hadn’t met you yet, but you held my heart in your hands. It now aches, it feels so shattered.
I may not have gotten the chance to meet you, but from the moment i knew about you, I loved you; and I will do so forever.
Death is sad. Its an emptiness that can’t be filled. It is a hurt stillness, like you’re under water and can’t find the surface. This sadness I feel, though I tried, can’t be cured with comfort food, friends and a good baseball game. I feel hopeless. I feel broken. I feel empty. I feel lost.
As I grieve for you, it sometimes feels like I am incapable of crying anymore, but I am somehow always proven wrong. The sun has gone down on this part of my life, and its always darkest before the dawn, but I know in the darkest of times you’ll be the star that gives me light. I know that someday I will meet you, so for that reason I will not say good-bye, but simply goodnight.
xoxo, Auntie Kailee
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